I came to a realization recently. There is a huge discrepancy between who I think I am (or who I want to be) and how I live my life. You know what caused me to finally draw this conclusion? Poor Harold Camping and his dooms-day prophecies (of all things). Let’s just get this out in the open, once and for all; I never once, for a minute, bought into his nonsense about the end of the world - well, maybe it crossed my mind for one minute - but it did shine a big fat spotlight on my own wavering faith.
I have claimed to be a Christian for almost fifteen years, but in the last three or four years I haven’t fulfilled that role. And truth be told, I’ve been fine with that. I’ve had my reservations and my own indignant questions, but I’ve eagerly brushed those aside and happily (?) continued on with my everyday existence. Even in my most fervent years I’ve struggled with some aspects of faith, like every other human being (yes, even Christians), and it seems those unrequited uncertainties have only grown more obstinate over time. But, it’s whatever. Why bother worrying about all that now? What’s the hurry?
Well, I’ll tell ya. It’s not because of the apparent (wink, wink) impending doom, or that I intend to stand on top of my soap box and tell you all to “turn or burn.” It’s because of this simple reason alone; I can’t keep pretending to be something I’m not. If I claim to be a Christian, than I need to rediscover confidence in my convictions. Nothing maddens me more than someone who wears the title of “Christian” but promotes intolerance, discrimination, judgment and pride. And truth-be-told, that’s everyone. It’s me, it’s you, and it’s the Sunday morning Pastor. Christian’s are no better at this than anyone else. In fact, at times, we are worse. The difference is that Christians are supposed to be compelled (there's that word again) by the love, compassion, and grace that Christ has shown them in their own lives. We suck at this. So my bottom line is that if I don’t seek out truth, and can’t live a life that reflects the true love of Christ, I need to stop claiming that I do. Squat or get off the pot, so to speak…
I am not a preacher and I don’t plan on posting any grand theological sermons. I make no claims to be perfect or to have all the answers. I do plan on opening my heart, my true heart, and sharing with you all my questions, concerns, opinions and thoughts. I vow to be raw with you. No facades, no “Christian mask.” I will expose myself to you – my open wounds, my weakness, my dark and dirty places. I invite you to comment, share, teach and thoughtfully debate with me on issues of theology, doctrine and life.
Travel with me as I re-discover God’s grace and re-define his Truths in my life. I hope that in my humanness we will discover God together.
~ Tracy
~ Tracy
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
